There were days I didn’t know how to stand

 There were days I didn’t know how to stand…

and somehow… you still held me up.
Not with words.
Not with answers.
Just… by being there.
I think about that now—
how you always knew.
You knew when something was wrong
before I ever said a thing.
The way you stayed close on the hard days…
not leaving my side…
not asking questions…
just quietly reminding me
I didn’t have to go through it alone.
There were nights I couldn’t sleep…
when everything felt too heavy…
too loud inside my own head.
And you would come closer.
Not rushing.
Not demanding attention.
Just… there.
Your presence steady…
your breathing slow…
like you were grounding me
without even trying.
I didn’t realize it then…
how much you were carrying for me.
How your quiet love
was holding together the pieces
I didn’t know how to hold myself.
Because you never made it feel like a burden.
You never made it feel like I was too much.
You just stayed.
Through every moment I was breaking.
Through every silence I couldn’t explain.
Through every version of me
that didn’t feel okay.
You stayed.
And now…
that’s what I feel the most.
Not just that you’re gone…
but that the one who held me through it all…
isn’t here the way they used to be.
The world feels different without that.
Less steady.
Less certain.
But sometimes…
in the quiet…
I feel it again.
That same calm.
That same sense
that I’m not falling apart alone.
And I wonder…
maybe you didn’t stop holding me.
Maybe you just found a new way.
Something softer.
Something I can’t see…
but still feel
when everything else fades away.
Because even now…
when things get hard…
when the weight comes back…
there’s still something there
keeping me from breaking completely.
Something familiar.
Something that feels like you.
And maybe that’s the truth I’m learning to hold onto—
you didn’t just hold me back then.
You’re still holding me now.
Just differently.
Until the day comes…
when I don’t have to be held from a distance anymore…
and I can finally fall into you again…
the way I always did…
without fear…
without pain…
just… safe.