I still turn for you

 I still turn for you…

Without thinking.

Without meaning to.

It happens before my heart remembers what my mind already knows.

A sound in the hallway.

The creak of the floor.

A shadow passing across the room.

For one beautiful, impossible second…

I believe it's you.

I glance toward the doorway, expecting to see your familiar face.

Your bright eyes searching for mine.

Your tail gently swaying, as if to say,

"There you are. I've been looking for you."

Then the silence returns.

And so does the ache.

It's funny how the body remembers love.

My hands still reach toward the place where your head used to rest.

I still leave a little space beside me on the couch.

Sometimes I even catch myself speaking to you before I realize the room is empty.

Old habits don't disappear when love is real.

They become quiet reminders of someone who mattered deeply.

You were woven into every ordinary part of my life.

Every morning began with you.

Every evening felt complete because you were home.

You didn't have to do anything extraordinary.

You simply existed.

And somehow, that was enough to make an ordinary day feel like a good one.

Now I understand why grief surprises us in the smallest moments.

It isn't always birthdays or anniversaries that bring tears.

Sometimes it's reaching for the leash that still hangs by the door.

Sometimes it's hearing another dog's collar jingle in the distance.

Sometimes it's turning around…

Certain you'll find your best friend following close behind.

Those moments used to make me feel broken.

Now they make me smile through the tears.

Because they remind me of just how completely you belonged in my life.

You became part of my instincts.

Part of my routines.

Part of the invisible map my heart follows every single day.

And maybe that's something death can never erase.

Love leaves fingerprints on the soul.

It teaches the heart where to look.

Where to turn.

Who to search for.

So if I still turn for you…

Maybe it isn't because I haven't accepted you're gone.

Maybe it's because love still recognizes you.

Maybe somewhere beyond this world, your spirit still walks beside me in ways my eyes cannot see.

Maybe that's why my heart keeps looking.

Because real love doesn't forget its direction.

One day…

I believe I'll turn one last time.

Not toward an empty doorway…

But toward a sunlit meadow where happy paws are racing through the grass.

And this time…

You won't disappear.

You'll run straight into my arms, whole and joyful again.

Until that day, if I still turn for you…

I won't apologize for it.

Because every glance over my shoulder is another way of saying,

"You are still loved."