I'm healing around you

 I'm healing around you.

Not without you.
Never without you.
That was the part no one explained to me.
When I first lost you, I thought healing meant learning how to live as if you had never been here. As if one day I would wake up and your name wouldn't catch in my throat. As if I would stop looking toward the door when I came home.
But that's not what happened.
Instead, your absence became part of my days.
Like a quiet shadow that follows me everywhere.
Like a song I can no longer hear, but somehow still remember.
For a long time, I fought against it.
I kept your bowl exactly where you left it.
Your favorite toy stayed under the couch because I couldn't bear to touch it.
Even your fur, trapped in the corners of the house, felt too precious to sweep away.
I was afraid that if those little pieces disappeared, you would too.
And honestly...
Some days I still feel that way.
I still reach for memories when the nights are long.
I still miss the sound of your paws following me from room to room.
I still expect to feel your head resting against my leg when life gets hard.
The grief hasn't vanished.
It simply learned how to live beside me.
Like an old scar that aches when the weather changes.
Like a photograph carried in a wallet for years.
Still there.
Still loved.
Still important.
But something else has happened too.
The memories that once shattered me have started making me smile.
I can think about the silly things you did.
The muddy paws after a rainy walk.
The way you stole my spot on the couch the second I stood up.
The excitement in your eyes when you knew we were going somewhere together.
Sometimes I laugh before I cry.
And sometimes I don't cry at all.
That doesn't mean I love you less.
It means your love is doing what it always did.
Taking care of me.
I imagine you now beyond the Rainbow Bridge, resting beneath endless skies painted with colors I cannot describe.
Healthy.
Free.
Surrounded by sunlight and wildflowers.
Watching me with those same gentle eyes.
And I think maybe you'd want this.
Maybe you'd want me to smile again.
To enjoy the sunsets.
To welcome new mornings.
To carry your love forward instead of only carrying your loss.
Because healing isn't leaving you behind.
Healing is building a life that makes room for both the tears and the gratitude.
It's learning to laugh while still missing you.
It's finding joy without feeling guilty.
It's carrying your pawprints in my heart while continuing to walk forward.
You are still part of every chapter.
Still part of every sunrise.
Still part of who I am.
I'm not healing from you.
I'm healing around the space your love will always occupy.
And somehow...
That space still feels like home. 
Forever loved.
Forever missed.
Forever mine.