I still turn around

 I still turn around.

Even now.
Even after all this time.
Sometimes it's because I hear a sound that isn't really there.
A faint tap against the floor.
A soft sigh from another room.
The familiar feeling that someone is following close behind me.
And before I can stop myself, I turn around.
Just in case it's you.
For a split second, my heart forgets.
It forgets the goodbye.
It forgets the empty bed.
It forgets the silence that settled into this house the day you left.
And in that tiny moment, I expect to see you standing there.
Tail wagging.
Eyes shining.
Ready to follow me wherever I go, just like you always did.
You were my little shadow.
From the kitchen to the living room.
From the front door to the backyard.
You never wanted to be far away.
Not because you needed me.
But because you loved me.
The kind of love that asks for nothing except to be near.
And now...
That's what I miss the most.
Not the big moments.
Not the adventures.
Not even the photographs.
I miss the ordinary things.
The sound of your paws padding across the floor when I got up in the middle of the night.
The warmth of your body curled beside me.
The way you'd lift your head whenever I said your name.
The feeling of never being alone.
Grief hides in those little places.
The spaces between routines.
The quiet corners of everyday life.
The moments no one else would understand.
Like turning around.
And finding only air where your love used to stand.
There are days when that realization still breaks me.
Days when the ache returns without warning.
But there are other days too.
Days when I smile because I can almost feel you there.
Not with my eyes.
Not with my hands.
But with my heart.
Because love like yours doesn't simply disappear.
It lingers.
In the sunlight that falls across the floor.
In the old leash hanging by the door.
In the memories that arrive when I least expect them.
And sometimes, when I turn around, I don't feel sadness first.
I feel gratitude.
Gratitude that I was loved so completely by a soul with four paws.
Gratitude that I got to share my life with you.
Gratitude that your footprints are woven into who I am.
I like to imagine you now beyond the Rainbow Bridge.
Running through endless fields beneath skies filled with stars.
Strong again.
Happy again.
Free from every pain.
Yet somehow still watching over me.
Still following me in the only way you can.
And maybe that's why I keep turning around.
Not because I expect to find you.
But because a part of my heart knows you're never very far away.
One day, I won't have to imagine.
One day, I'll turn around...
And you'll be there.
Tail wagging.
Eyes shining.
As if no time had passed at all. 
Until then, I carry you with me.
In every step.
In every memory.
In every glance over my shoulder.