Anti-Depressants Are So Not A Big Deal - feat. Michael Hyatt - "Crazy Ex...

Anti-Depressants Are So Not A Big Deal Written by Rachel Bloom and Adam Schlesinger Patient Reshma: FLUOXETINE, FLUOXETINE Patient Lou: PAROXETINE, PAROXETINE Patient Melinda: CITALOPRAM, CITALOPRAM Patients: TAKE ONCE A DAY FLUOXETINE, FLUOXETINE PAROXETINE, PAROXETINE CITALOPRAM, CITALOPRAM MAY CAUSE DRY MOUTH Dr. Akopian: FROM THE MOMENT THAT WE LEARN TO WALK AND SPEAK, OUR PARENTS TELL US EVERYONE’S UNIQUE NOW, I’M NOT SAYING THAT ADVICE IS BAD BUT, HONEY, YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL ‘CAUSE YOU’RE SAD Patients: NOT SPECIAL NO, YOU’RE NOT Dr. Akopian: THE BUTCHER, THE BAKER, THE GROCERY CLERK THEY’RE ALL ON TWENTY MILLIGRAMS OR SO Mover: THE MOVERS Bartender: THE SHAKERS Jayma: THE HAPPY HOMEMAKER Dr. Akopian: YOU’D BE SURPRISED HOW MANY OF THEM KNOW All (Except Rebecca): ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ARE SO NOT A BIG DEAL BIG WHOOP, YOU’RE ON AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT! Dr. Akopian: SWEET CHEEKS, HERE’S THE DEAL: All (Except Rebecca): WELCOME TO THE CLUB WITH OPEN ADMISSION YOU’RE CAST IN THE PLAY THAT HAS NO AUDITION YES, EVERYONE IS SPECIAL THAT’S USUALLY THE SITCH BUT, WHEN IT COMES TO MEDS, YOU’RE SUCH A BASIC BITCH Butcher: I LOST MY JOB AND, FOR SIX MONTHS, I COULDN’T LEAVE MY BED, YEAH! Patient Lou: WHEN MY HUSBAND DIED, I STOPPED BATHING AND WATCHED CHRISTIAN TV INSTEAD, OOH! Butcher & Patient Lou: NOW, WE’RE ON PILLS AND IT’S LESS OF A SLOG Dr. Akopian: JUST ASK ANY ABUSED RESCUE DOG Scared Chihuahua: (WHIMPERING) All (Except Rebecca): THE ORIGINS OF LIFE ARE MESSY AND IMPRECISE Dr. Akopian: WE’RE ALL THE RESULT OF NATURAL SELECTION Rebecca: TRUE! SO WHY SHOULD I FEEL CRAPPY ABOUT SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME HAPPY? Baker: THOUGH IT MAY BE HARD TO MAINTAIN AN ERECTION Patients: MAYBE YOU SHOULD ADJUST YOUR DOSAGE! Baker: I ALREADY TRIED THAT; DIDN’T WORK Patients: HAVE YOU TRIED ANOTHER MEDICATION? Baker: YEP, BUT THAT ONE MADE ME GAIN WEIGHT Patients: OH, THAT TOTALLY HAPPENED TO ME IT GOT BETTER WITHIN A FEW MONTHS Baker: THANKS, COOL! All: ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ARE SO NOT A BIG DEAL BIG WHOOP, YOU’RE ON AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT! Dr. Akopian: TAKE TWO WITH OR WITHOUT A MEAL All: FLUOXETINE, FLUOXETINE PAROXETINE, PAROXETINE OUR LAWYERS WON’T LET US SAY BRAND NAMES ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ARE SO-SO-SO NOT A BIG DEAL BIG WHOOP, YOU’RE ON AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT! Dog Walker: CONNOR, HEEL! All: SOME CRY THAT IN THE PAST WE DIDN’T MEDICATE EVERYONE Dr. Akopian: COOL, WITCH TRIALS AND THE CRUSADES SOUNDED LIKE SO MUCH FUN All: ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ARE SO COMMON THAT TAKING THEM IS ALL WE HAVE IN COMMON!