I used to think forgiveness meant full understanding

 I used to think forgiveness meant full understanding.

That if I truly forgave, I would find a way to make sense of the pain.

But becoming a parent changed that.

As a daughter, I can say I forgive you.
Because I know you did the best you could with what you had.
Because carrying anger started to feel heavier than the hurt itself.

But as a mom, I look at my children
And I would never
Not show up.
Not love them loud.
Not protect them in every way I know how.

So no, I don’t understand.
And maybe I never will.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean it made sense.
It just means I chose peace over pieces.