The Math of Love Triangles - feat. Rachel Bloom - "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"

Rebecca WHAT’S A GIRL TO DO WHEN SHE’S STUCK BETWEEN MEN? IT’S LIKE SHE’S A BARBIE WITH TWO PERFECT KENS BUT WAIT, IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME MAYBE I CAN SOLVE THIS WITH GEOMETRY! YES, SMARTS CAN HELP THIS SITCHYWATION UNTANGLE SO PROFESSORS: TEACH ME THE MATH OF LOVE TRIANGLES! Yay! Time for book facts! Male Dancers A TRIANGLE IS A POLYGON WITH THREE EDGES AND THREE VERTICES TAKE THE BASE TIMES THE HEIGHT, CUT THAT IN HALF TO FIND THE AREA OF THE SURFACES Rebecca UH-UH I WASN’T REALLY LISTENING BUT I CAN SEE THE CENTER OF THE TRIANGLE IS LIL’ OL’ ME! THE MATH OF LOVE TRIANGLES ISN’T HARD TO LEARN. Male Dancers YOU’RE NOT TAKING IN WHAT WE’RE SAYING WE’RE A LITTLE BIT CONCERNED Rebecca YES, THE MATH OF LOVE TRIANGLES IS AS SIMPLE AS CAN BE! WHICHEVER TOM OR DICK I MIGHT PICK THE CENTER OF THE TRIANGLE IS LIL' OL' ME! Male Dancers ACTUALLY A TRIANGLE HAS MULTIPLE CENTERS! THIS TRIANGLE’S SCALENE. Rebecca THAT’S ASTUTE. SO I NEED TO DECIDE WHICH MAN’S MORE ACUTE! Male Dancers HERE’S PYTHAGORAS’ THEOREM... Rebecca WILL THIS HELP ME CHOOSE? IF NOT, I’LL BE SWINGING FROM A HYPOTENOOSE! Male Dancers LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT THIS LINE BISECTS Rebecca IS THAT SPELLED BIS-E-X?! Male Dancers THOSE ARE GOOD PUNS BUT PLEASE PAY ATTENTION— Rebecca OH NO, PROFESSORS, AM I FACING SUSPENSION? WHEE! A SWING! IT’S LITERAL SUSPENSION! THE MATH OF LOVE TRIANGLES ISN’T HARD TO LEARN Male Dancers WE’RE STARTING TO SUSPECT YOU DON’T SINCERELY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT TRIANGLES Rebecca YES, THE MATH OF LOVE TRIANGLES IS AS SIMPLE AS CAN BE! I NEED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN MEN BUT UNTIL THEN THE CENTER OF THE TRIANGLE IS LIL’ OL’ ME! IS THIS A TRIANGLE? Male Dancers NO, THAT’S A SHOE Rebecca IS THIS A TRIANGLE? Male Dancers NO, THAT’S YOU. Rebecca SO I’M A TRIANGLE? Male Dancers WHAT? NO. Rebecca 1, 2, 3, 6, 8, 3, GO! Matt You don’t seem to know how to count! Scott We are sincerely worried about you. Rebecca CATCH ME! Jeff You’re ruining the number! Male Dancers THIS ANGLE’S RIGHT. Rebecca WHICH ANGLE’S RIGHT? Male Dancers NO, NOT RIGHT LIKE CORRECT. Rebecca OOOH, ARE YOU ERECT?! Male Dancers NO, 90 DEGREES. Rebecca THAT’S REALLY ERECT! THE MATH OF LOVE TRIANGLES-- IS SUPER DUPER FUN! Male Dancers WE’RE TIRED OF ALL YOUR TANGENTS THAT’S ALSO A TRIANGLE PUN. Rebecca OHHHHHH THANKS FOR TEACHING ME MAN MATH! YOU ALL DESERVE A KISS! Male Dancers LADY, WE’RE ALL GAY WE GET NOTHING OUT OF THIS. Rebecca NEITHER MAN WILL NOTICE MY LEARNING DISABILITY ‘CAUSE THE CENTER OF THE TRIANGLE IS LIL' OLD SEXY LITTLE BABY ME!!!!