Pregnancy after loss is a different kind of experience

 Pregnancy after loss is a different kind of experience.

It’s holding your breath when you should be celebrating
It’s smiling at ultrasounds with tears quietly building in your eyes
It’s being grateful and terrified at the exact same time

You want to believe everything is okay
You want to feel that joy again
But there’s this quiet fear
This looming cloud that never fully leaves

Every cramp
Every moment you don’t feel movement
Every appointment
It’s a silent battle between hope and panic

You don’t talk about it much
Because people expect excitement
But deep down you are guarding your heart
Afraid to let it all in

And then
That moment
When you finally hold your baby
The weight of that fear starts to melt away
Not all at once
But slowly

You feel yourself exhale for the first time in months
You look at them and finally believe they’re real
That they made it
That you made it

There’s still grief
There’s still memories
But now there’s also healing
And the kind of love that only grows from surviving the storm